


The Barman's Tale

by owlbsurfinbird



Series: The Cambridge Tales [4]
Category: Lewis (TV)
Genre: College, Drinking, Gen, Humor, Lewis Summer Challenge 2014, summer job
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-09
Updated: 2014-08-09
Packaged: 2018-02-10 23:56:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2045088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlbsurfinbird/pseuds/owlbsurfinbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James had not counted on punting while plastered...</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Barman's Tale

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to the_small_hobbit for Britpick and betaread!

**Deliberate Collisions With Pimm's**

**Cambridge, 1997**

High noon, blistering hot and bright, and there was the Pimm's punt again, festooned in red and white Pimm's logo banners. Perky punters clad in red and white hats and shorts waved and offered frosty cups of Pimm's for sale at outrageous prices. James didn't even have to point it out, there was a general cry of "Pimm's"! And they were in pursuit. Didn't matter that the strawberries and lemons were soggy at the bottom of the glass and that Pimm's No.1, a mildly alcoholic red syrup, barely tinged the watery lemonade—it was cold. Refreshing to drink in the heat, he could count on the tourists standing him a cup.

What James didn't count on was the Pimm's punt crew making his cup a bit stronger each time for the amusement of all the other punters. Four hours into his shift, three hours to go, and James Hathaway was well and truly drunk, leaning on his pole far more for his own support than any desire to make his way down the River Cam. 

He wasn't at the slurring words stage, more like the heavy eyelids stage when, whump, he bumped into the Pimm's punt.

"Pimm's!" the tourists cheered. He'd have another drink and get caught in the inevitable watercraft traffic jam that occurred as boaters and punters crowded the Pimm's punt. They sold beer, too, and he was beginning to think that it might be better to switch—at least then he'd know the alcohol content of his drinks. 

His tips went up the more he bumped into the Pimm's punt—perhaps because the tourists were a bit drunk, perhaps because collisions were exciting. And he certainly had a far more enjoyable time when he was inebriated. He poled down river, relishing the feel of the breeze on sweaty skin.

"Shakespeare," he began, striking an attitude, wondering if they would know, would he be corrected? Could he lie to these nice people who had bought him three cups of Pimm's? "No!" he declared, with a mighty push. "Shakespeare did not go to Cambridge. That is a lie. As is the assertion—" he had a bit of trouble with the word, but recovered nicely, "—that Isaac Newton built or even designed the Mathematical Bridge we are about to go under."

"Isaac Newton was the guy who invented gravity," said a guy to his girlfriend. She gave him a brilliant smile and then looked to James for confirmation of her boyfriend's unusual display of historical knowledge.

James nodded. "Yes, Isaac Newton, inventor—in a way—of gravity." He swallowed, hard, feeling guilty for contributing to general ignorance in the world. Then he sighed. "Shall we visit the Pimm's punt again?"


End file.
